I am the obedient daughter until I am not.
How can I tell the people around me that I am no longer the same person they used to know?
My dad is a pastor of a small ministry. It was a life I’ve only known. Being born in a church means trying to live by the expectations of the people around you, from being a 'yes-person' to conforming to what’s taught is only true. Sundays are meant for nothing else but church services. The hums, sound of the guitar strings and drum rolls are engraved in my brain like the name on a random person’s tombstone.
I was taught that the four-cornered box is a safe and sacred place to surrender all my worries—a place to be genuine. As I was entering my legality, I was exposed to people who have different values and principles. I was shocked. I never knew someone would have the guts to claim they don't believe in a higher form of being and mock my beliefs upfront. I was defensive. Eyes of judgment and a mouth of disdain were features I never knew I'd had. I told myself that I'd never be the same person they are. I just need to hold on tightly to the belief that has been there since I was born, that I just need to be the obedient daughter I have always been.
But again, I am the obedient daughter until I am not.
I kept on expanding my horizons and making connections with people. I was, somehow, looking for answers to questions that have never been asked. Their stories acted as their testimonies. Right there and then, I realized that I am more than what I was taught. Their stories redirected my path. The values I had were different from the identity I was yearning for. I grew into something different than usual. Little did I know that it would be the reason I’d become the obedient daughter until I am not.
